The day started out with me being ignored.
I asked her for her name and she shook her head.
I told her mine, and offered a handshake. She shook her head.
I asked her if she wanted to dance, she shook her head.

I tried, I talked to her about everything, from what we were about to do for that day to asking whether she has eaten breakfast. She shook her head.

Halfway through, she turned to me and told me her name.
She told me breakfast wasn't of a sufficient proportion and she felt hungry.
She told me about her taking O Levels, I was utterly amazed.
She told me to go enjoy myself and she didn't feel like dancing; i decided to stay on and talk to her

At the end of the day, she asked me: How can I ever thank you?

I melted into the joy of having able to reach out to her, it just made my week. =D

I would have been filled with anger, with hatred, towards her and towards myself.

As time went by, I've learnt to let go of my ego, of which manifested me in the forms above.

Come to think of it, I ought to be thankful to her, for she has provided me with the opportunity and condition to practise patience, to practise metta, to practise uppekha as well as mudita.

Perhaps it's good that the karma has ripened early, so that I get to learn at an earlier stage and apply my knowledge to the later stages of my life.

It takes pain to experience, it takes mistakes to learn, it takes opportunities to grasp.

I'll learn, I'll stay strong, because Love always hopes, always perseveres.

I was blindfolded. Yet the support group really made me feel as if they did not want anything to happen to me. A person even tied my shoelaces which were undone. Just to prevent from getting into an accident. We had to balance on this beam. My balance is not really good but again I had support from who was holding my hand tightly. She led me through the crossed log and I managed to climb over it safely. I was happy when I made it over. I think this can be applied to my life. When things happen everything is dark. But there is always someone beside us supporting us. We are willing to listen and to have trust in people and have confidence in ourselves; we can climb over obstacles and see light again!

A small little gesture of tying her laces for her on my part, and to continuously affirm her by telling her I was there to spot her, actually brought her encouragement, hope, perseverance to climb over the cross logs. It actually triggered such positivity in her attitude towards life. As Minmin said, we can't hope to change the entire course of their lives for them, neither can we expect ourselves to be their Samaritan, but we can hope that we'll be able to touch this little corner of their hearts. It was my objective for this YCon, to touch the girls' hearts with these little gestures, with our effort and time, to show them that we care for them, someone cares and they are loved. When I read the text, I felt that as much as I've touched a little part of her, she has brought even more warmth and motivation to me. She affirmed me more than anyone else has ever done, acknowledging my sinverity and effort to help them. I'm glad that she's put her trust in us and hope that she'll open up more with this trust.

I'm truly thankful that the girls opened up quite a bit and they were interactive without much effort on my part to involve them. That day, I learnt to take more initiative in doing the debriefs and learnt that it was necessary to do so. Although I am still nowhere near being good at debriefing, I'm willing to work hard especially when the girls are so willing to share, which is FANTABULOUS.

An open mind helps more than ever.

What's your point in doing service?

I wanted to slap myself for my naivety, for thinking that the world is a perfect place filled with love and compassion, that those who volunteer do so with the best intention of their beneficiaries.

When we did our volunteers’ briefing, I asked my group why they signed up for Y Confidence. To my shock, or rather, trauma, so many of them told me, “To clock my CIP hours”. So I posed them another question, “What’s the objective that you want to fulfill for yourself and your buddy?”

I was speechless to her reply, she simply shrugged her shoulders and nonchalantly told me,“Nothing. I’m just here to get my CIP hours.” What was more surprising was the fact that she said it so matter-of-factly and that she was not even the least ashamed for her purpose of volunteering.

I can vividly remember a time when I asked another volunteer, why was he so enthusiastic about volunteerism, what drove him to spend so much time with the people with special needs. He told me, “Being able to help someone else who is worse off than me makes me feel good”.

They set me thinking, why would they want to do volunteer work when they do not even have their hearts set to help and enhance the lives of our beneficiaries. Maybe I am too protective of the beneficiaries, but why should the beneficiaries suffer because of these volunteers who were set out to benefit themselves? The various programmes have been designed with the aim of letting the beneficiaries build friendships and interact with their volunteers, to let them experience the bond and to have fun, and the volunteers themselves defeat the entire purpose.

I have always believed that volunteerism was a form of service learning. As you serve, you learn, share your experience and allow others to gain from your experience as well. In the case of volunteers who were “serving” just to build up their portfolios, have they truly done service? Have they really learnt from their experience? Is it not just a plain waste of time for them?

Then again, it is undeniable that there are cases where volunteers initially set out with a selfish purpose but were inspired to continue serving. I suppose it takes experience to truly understand the joy of volunteerism, though it definitely cannot be imposed on others if they cannot find the meaning in it. It is impossible to prevent them from not volunteering, but I shall pray hard that they will be inspired along the way, just like others, and continue to serve the less advantaged in our society.

And if you happen to be reading this, may I ask, what is YOUR point of doing service?

It was just an ineffable sense of motivation that pushed me to muster all the courage within me to continue taking the steps up the vertical pole, swaying to the wind, up 12 meters and to the wooden platform which I thought might collapse under our weight anytime. All I knew was that I didn't want to disappoint the courage and trust that my buddy has had placed in me.

For the session with both the elements, I don't think I would have made it through without the constant support provided by the two boys. They gave me all the affirmation that I needed to cast aside all my fears and doubt; they continuously reassured me that I was safe in their hands; that they were there to provide me with all the support I require.

I'm truly thankful for the immense encouragement and courage the boys have endowed me with for today; I think the support they've provided me with today surpasses any form that I've shown them throughout the sessions.

=D

I learnt to take a step back to observe, to look at things from an all new and different perspective, to look at the details.

I was really glad my buddy was so willing to share openly with me. Not only so, he also encouraged me to share about my own experiences and how I would put the situations into parallels with my life, friends and family.

Today's focus was greatly on support- giving support, asking for support and more importantly, being aware of the support available around us. For the session, while my buddy told me that it was hard to find support from his family and his friends sometimes didn't support him for appropriate events, I found myself in the same old position: I realised that I've been taking people around me for granted; be it my family, SBM or friends.

Having a buddy like him helps me learn a lot. He tells me about his situation, his perception, his side of the story. His voice is of an entirely different perspective from most of my friends and school mates, he brought me to another side of life. He allowed me to acknowledge the presence of suffering, which has affirmed my faith and perseverance to cultivate myself more.

I made the conscious effort to be around him at all times as well as to interact more with the rest of the boys. I felt that running into them on the bus on National Day was a blessing in disguise because it has helped to create this special link between them and me. I was able to joke and converse with them without feeling tense; I was perfectly comfortable and truthful with them. The comforting part was, I could feel that it was both ways.

Yay =D Tiring but fulfilling to the max.

After not seeing the kids for two weeks, having them run around me and spin me in circles filled me with an incredulous amount of joy.

For the very first time Racheal took my hand and held it. I felt so, so fulfilled.I knew that my effort and love for them has gone nowhere down the drain.

Boonhong took his bread after having crackers sandwiched in between. He was pretty temperamental for the day, although it was good to see him finish up his bread eventually.

I experienced something new and refreshing yesterday- hydrotherapy. Although all I could do was to squat by the pool to hold the kids' hand, I could feel their enthusiasm and passion for the therapy sessions. Theodre was really upset he had to wait for the others to go down before he was able to, though the way he smiled when he touched the water cast aside all my frustrations.

I was really really tired, but they have become part and parcel of my life, without them something was amiss. They're really loving kids.